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My husband keeps telling me I should publish this blog. To be honest I’m not sure I’m ready. It’s a bit like getting undressed in public. There’s a certain amount I’m not sure I want anyone to see. But that said, it may help people to understand. It may help others going through it. Maybe. Maybe not.

I’m thinking that the end of chemo might be the right time. There is a chance I’ll get trigger happy and do it earlier on a whim, but I don’t think that’s very likely. When I do publish it I might lock myself away for a few days to avoid any comments. I don’t think they will be nasty – just a bit cringeworthy!

Anyhow. Assuming this is made public one day, there are so many people who deserve my public appreciation for their general wonderfulness. So I guess this is a good way to do it. This isn’t everyone but here are just a few of the wonderful people I want to thank (and forgive me that this sounds a bit like an acceptance speech at the Oscars).

My darling husband. For loving me and looking after me and travelling this shitty road by my side. For being a rock. For cooking and washing up and doing the lion’s share of everything while I’ve been ill. For fabulous bread. For everything.

My inspirational mother. For doing this again with me having done it once herself. For being the best mother ever. For her strength which I have inherited.

My wonderful father. For caring so much. For the endless phone calls.

My fabulous sister in law. For being closer than a natural sister. For your selflessness, companionship, friendship, honesty and support. For loving me so much.

My big little brother. For coping with all the shit. For making your days on duty so much fun even when they were crappy.

My marvellous Milly and Northern Pa, who have given so much time, love and effort to help us all through this. What wonderful in laws you are.

My vbf and prima prima. You trod this path before me and showed me how to do it. Your strength, love and friendship mean the world.

My BC twinny, for walking down this road with me hand in hand. For being the voice of positivity.

All my lovely friends who have sent cards, flowers, presents, soup, offers of childcare and messages of support. Thank you. They have helped me more than you can know. Particularly my wonderful BNC girlies who I love so much.

My fabulous team at work who have been so supportive and genuinely caring despite me being a newcomer. And indeed all my work buddies who have become real mates in such a short time – Liz, Ads, Tobes, Marek, Andy in particular.

And last but never least my beautiful children who give me my main reason to keep fighting Genghis. You are my treasures and my loves and I adore you both every day.

Thank you thank you thank you.